All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
do nipples grow back?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
