i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
