Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
