he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
