Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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