guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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