i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize