I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Randomize
