Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm passing your future prison.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
