so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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