Cold hands, warm shart.
I am puke
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
