I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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