I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
