I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
