drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
