so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
