I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
