i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
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