she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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