I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
