I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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