May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Will exercising make me less horny?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
