I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
