I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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