just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
