I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
