He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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