My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Less talking, more tequila
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
