are you still at the devil's house?
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
