We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
