the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
