I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
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