in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
