My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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