i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
What a dumb baby whore.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
