OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
