He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
