I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
