I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
