Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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