If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
