So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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