he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
