How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize