you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
