well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
