Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I would ride that face into the sunset
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
