NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
