Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize