This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
