I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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