so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
