Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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