im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
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