just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
