last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
