I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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