he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
