well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
