All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
