his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
