They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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