walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
