She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
