The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
MIDGETS
????
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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