census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
