wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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