"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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