In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
