totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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