Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
